Full Circle

Did anyone else get excited as a kid about new notebooks and sharp pencils and pens that were a rainbow of colors when it was back to school time? As a child in the ‘80’s, that Trapper Keeper decorated with Lisa Frank stickers meant it was time for a fresh start, a new opportunity to share ideas and grow, to mingle with friends I hadn’t seen all summer. While I wasn’t always excited about the actual “school” part, going back to school was exciting. New, fresh and exciting.

I went digging back in my blog history and realized something.

Five years ago this coming Monday I gutted my initial attempts at making this space my own, and started fresh. I pulled out a new notebook, sharpened a couple pencils, and went at it.

The last year or so have been more like the end of the school year. The notebook is tattered and dog-eared. The pencils broken, erasers worn down to their metal sleeves, tearing the pages when I use them. The pens have long run out of ink.

It’s the end of July, and this space, where I’ve shared our stories, our photos, our dreams for the last 5 years? It’s seen me four times.

Four.

In all of 2014.

Part of me knows that I’m not here because I’m busy being HERE. I’ve lived more in the moment, enjoying things because I enjoy them, and not thinking so much about “Oh, this will make a GREAT post!” I’m grateful for that, I really am. But the other part of me is sad, because this is where I wanted to record those moments, to share them, to have them to remember, and I just haven’t done it.

They’re on my Facebook, my Instagram, I’ve tweeted a lot of it, but seriously? I shaved my head 12 weeks ago. More importantly, my ten year old daughter shaved hers. Together, we raised over $6,000 for pediatric cancer research. That’s not here.

We’ve travelled, explored, ridden rides, partied with friends, rescued small animals, had a ROCKIN’ 60th birthday party for my momma, just done all kinds of fun stuff. And it’s not here.

So, yet again, I’m going to try harder. The kids go back to school next week, and my schedule will, in theory, start to normalize again.

Because this is my space. And I love it. Time to dust it off and give it the experience it deserves.