Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Starting Over.

I started this blog over a year ago, and promptly let life get in the way of posting. Other social media filled the personal need to "share" or document the day to day.

I've decided to take this in a slightly different direction. I feel like I'd still like to, in some way, journal some of my own personal experiences. I want to share thoughts in more than 140 characters. Most of all, I just want a place to throw out thoughts, however random, and know that even if no one else reads them, I have them to look back on, and reflect on my own personal growth as a wife, mother, sister and daughter.

A few months ago, I was at a bit of a personal low. I was having a lot of difficulty with my oldest son, and his lack of effort at school. He seemed to be dealing with a lot of negative feelings, about himself, school, me, his siblings, didn't seem to matter. I talked to his teacher and the school counselor, concerned that he was entering a depression. They assured me that they didn't see any emotional changes at school, he was still his social, outgoing self, he just wasn't doing his schoolwork. Since it seemed to be focused at home, I began to view his struggles as my own failures. It was painful and heartwrenching, and left me in tears more than once.

Coupling all that with the fact that it was the busiest part of the year for me professionally, and the stresses of the economic situation we were finding ourselves in, I finally cried out to some women I view as some of the most faithful, spiritual women I know. I just asked for prayer, took a few deep breaths, and did one of the hardest things I've ever done. I let go. I handed the stress off, in my mind, to God. You hear the phrase "Let Go and Let God" tossed about, but to actually be able to do it is very difficult for me. I did some searching online, and found a great little daily emailed devotional, and signed up. The very first one I received was exactly what I needed to hear, and helped me to release the stress I was under.

Since those dark days, I've found myself being a lot more relaxed. We've had a great summer, and as it draws to a close, and I prepare to send my last child off to kindergarten, I am ready to open a new chapter in my life. One where I accept myself, faults and all, and know that despite the flaws, I am a good person. I am a good mom, even when I can be a better one. I am a good wife, though there are ways to improve. And my son? He seems to be on a better level as well. We're all going to make it. It's just one day at a time.

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