That day that I Louis C. K.ed

I shared this on my Facebook the other day. When I did so, I did while mostly thinking about it from the side of the person who was hurt, not the person who had committed the hurt. 

Yesterday, I had an interesting experience. I was volunteering at an event where I was selling programs. At one point, I had 3 people approach me nearly simultaneously. From directly in front of me, a gentleman approached, and there was a woman right behind him. Mere moments later, as the first man reached into his pocket for money, a second man approached on my right, asking if I had singles to be able to make change for his $2 bills. (Programs are $5.) I did not, as I had not received any singles so far in the day, but the man already pulling out his cash said he had a couple of singles, and would be able to help the man to my right. 

The man in front of me, with the woman on his heels, purchased two programs, handed two one dollar bills to the man on the right, took the two dollar bill, and walked away. The man on my right then handed me one of the singles and two two dollar bills, took his program, and walked away. Then the woman stepped up.

"How much?" she asked. 

"Five dollars." I replied.

"Well, you just lost a sale. I was here before that man, you should have waited on me first. Stop giving preferential treatment to men." 

I had begun to interject with an "I'm sorry" - you see, I had thought she was with the first gentleman. She wasn't interested, however, and walked away. 

I was left a little dumbfounded. I certainly had not intended any slight, and there was only a few seconds between the first man walking away and the second walking away. Less than 10 seconds. I didn't view any of it as preferential treatment, as the first man and the second man held the bulk of conversation between themselves, while I waited to hand them their programs in exchange for the cash. Frankly, I was offended by her reaction. I'm standing alone with a cart full of programs (we usually have at least 2 or 3 of us together, but we were shorthanded, so I was flying solo) and three people come up within mere moments of one another. I'm making eye contact and responding to direct questions, smiling, and trying to be as helpful as I can, and it wasn't good enough for this woman who perceived my (volunteer!) work as insufficient. 

As I thought back about the entire exchange, trying to determine what went wrong, this quote came back to my mind. She was hurt by my actions, or at least offended enough by them that she was going to stand there long enough to make her statement. While I didn't intentionally slight her, she felt slighted, and that was real enough to her. 

Was I responsible for her feelings? No, I don't think so, but that doesn't mean that her feelings were invalid. I hope that she felt better after scolding me, and I hope that just maybe she stopped at one of the other spots where the school kids who we are selling the programs to support were standing and bought one from them. 

Knowing Your Value

Last weekend I travelled to the San Diego area for a family wedding, which was gorgeous, so much fun, and a lovely break, but is not at all what I want to write about right this moment. I flew out on Southwest, and if you haven’t flown with them lately, they have added some Wi-fi related offerings to their flights. One such offering is access to select ebook titles via Kobo.

I had started a book a couple months ago on another trip, and had been unable to find a copy via my public library to be able to finish it, so the first thing I did after settling in was check the available titles. It wasn’t still on the list (bummer) but another title caught my eye.

Now, I’m not a big follower of political news shows, but I catch Morning Joe periodically, and really enjoy it. News, politics, humor, antics – all in a well thought out, balanced program. I like it. The interactions between the folks there are honest and genuine. (Don’t believe me? Watch it a few times. The eyerolling alone is proof!)

Mika Brzezinski is one of the co-hosts, and I have found that I really admire her. She pulls no punches, she isn’t there to just look pretty, she is a sharp, witty, intelligent woman. She just… gets it.

She is also an author. The book that caught my eye was hers – Knowing Your Value. I’m not embarrassed to share that I DEVOURED this book. As a woman working in a field that for many, many years was male-dominated (as most are, historically speaking) I knew that many of us are wary of pushing for the equality we deserve and have earned. I don’t know that I had been realistic about how wide-spread the issue was. I would never have considered that Mika, who is such a valuable perspective and voice on Morning Joe, was so undervalued by the powers that be.

She talked about how focused people were on her appearance as well. As a woman who rarely wears makeup, and prefers blue jeans and tennis shoes to skirts and heels, I know that people often initially view me as “lesser”. It’s a sad reality that women are expected to make less, give as much (or more, because  they have to “compensate” for the time they are away in a role as mom, wife or other caregiver) and invest more in personal appearance than men.

Now, let me be ABUNDANTLY clear – this is NOT the case with every business. It is not the case for every woman. It is, however, a reality for many women in business. So, with that in mind, if you are a woman in a profession, or a man who works with women, you should consider reading Mika’s book. It is empowering and enlightening.

And if you are on a Southwest flight? It’s a free read at the moment.

Disclaimer: I was in no way compensated for or asked to provide a review of either the book Knowing Your Value or Southwest Airlines. This is simply my sharing of my opinion following my personal direct contact with both.