Whispers and screams, and everything between

I’ve seen lots of people talking about it, this need to find a “voice” for their blog. A “direction.”

Sometime, I feel that way, too. I want to feel like this little space of mine is a cohesive collection of thoughts and words.

But I realized something  while I was thinking about my voice.

I’m not really cohesive.

I’m a little crazy, pretty frazzled, and overall laid back. I’m a go with the flow kind of person.

If I try to make this blog be focused, then it’s not still “MY” space.

I’m not doing this for followers, although I’ve made some wonderful friends, and hope to continue to meet amazing people.

I’m not doing this to get rich, or to get free stuff, or to be famous. There are others who do have a strong voice, and can write passionately and beautifully on fabulous topics, and deserve those things.

Me?

I want a chance to record my life.

To remember moments where we hung out in the yard, playing on the swing set. Moments where we picked berries, snacking until our fingers were purple. Little moments that make up our lives.

To remind myself to stop every once in a while and snap a picture of a raindrop, and be awed by the Glory that is our world.

To see the sparkle in my daughter’s eye, the laughter in her smile, while she plays, and to capture that so I am reminded when she is sixteen and mad at me. To freeze the pout on J’s face forever, so I can share it with his future wife and warn her that he may make children who are as deeply sensitive as he is. To see the love that glows so deeply within E, my patient, kind son, and know I can feel his love even when he goes away to college.

To capture the moments. To record them. To share them with those who want to look in through this window.

I was never good at recording the milestones in my children’s lives. They do not have baby books, I don’t know the dates they took their first steps, or lost their first tooth.

I can’t go back to those moments.

But this? This is our story. And I will not make it more than it is, and I will not filter it to fit a “voice” – it has a voice.

That voice is mine.