Thursday, October 17, 2013

About loss...

The thing is, when you lose someone, it's hard to know what's next. You enter a season of unknown, a season where the slightest thing will make you cry, and things that are not remotely funny make you laugh. You are so twisted around emotionally, you find yourself lost.

I fill my time with "busy" - busy with the kids, busy with homework, busy with work, or making food that no one feels up to eating. Because busy means I'm not thinking. Not thinking means I'm not feeling. It means I can just shut it all off for a while.

But when the busy stops? That's when it gets hard. That's when the hurt comes. When the tears flow. When you find yourself hiding in the bathroom so the kids don't see you cry. You find yourself searching for something else to be the busy again so that the hurt goes away, or at least is buried deeply enough that you don't have to pay attention to it.

I'm looking forward to the angry part.

I handle angry much better than sad.

For today?

I'll stay busy.

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry, and am hugging you in my thoughts and keeping you in my prayers