Sunday, December 4, 2011


It just makes me want to cry.

He’s so angry – at me, at his dad.

I don’t know why. It’s not new, either. We go through phases where it’s better, then it is worse again. Mood swings. Violent, turbulent swings.

It’s been this way for a long time. I kept thinking that it would get better, but it isn’t. Not at all.

I want to fix it. I want to make it better. I’m his mom, it’s my job.

But I don’t know how.

I’m not sure how to fix it when I don’t know for sure why it’s broken. Or even what is actually broken.

But it is.

And it’s breaking my heart.


  1. my heart goes out to you. i have a child that i'm unsure of how to deal with and wondering what or if something is "not normal" with him - something that will require professional help. it's hard to know what is typical kid behavior and what is not and where to start with finding help and what kid of help even you should look for. good luck to you and your family and explore the hell out of each and every avenue for your dear and darling son.

  2. I have never commented on your blog (at least I do not recall doing so), but I wanted to respond to this post because I experienced this with one of my sons starting at about 9 years old and it was up and down until he was about 14 when it got so bad that I was unsure what to do. I was a single working parent so the entire responsibility was on my shoulders. I was fortunate to find a therapist that specialized in teenagers. There was not medication suggested by this doctor. He spent many sessions with my son and let him talk, and talk, and talk. I have no idea what they discussed, but it made a world of difference in my child. The only thing that the doctor did share with me was that my son loved me deeply and the problems he was dealing with were not due to anything I had done or not done. He is currently an adult, married with 2 children and owns his own business. He has thanked me many times for finding the help he needed as a teenager. Do not give up hope, do your research, and you will find the best road for your son. Hugs and I will keep you in my thoughts.

  3. xo

    No advice. Puberty maybe? I don't know.

    Love you.

  4. #1. Is he being bullied, abused, or made fun of at school or elsewhere (team sports, siblings, older friends)?

    #2 & #3 below are "Comparison Issues" He's comparing what BELIEVES he has/or is/is-not-allowed-to-do against what he sees his friends having/doing.

    #2. Does he have 'rich' friends with parents who give their kid(s) "everything" (except love and true personal attention); OR does he have 'poor' friends and he feels guilty for everything he has that they do not have.

    #3. Does he have friends with divorced parents who ply their kids with 'guilt gifts' or unusually-strict or ultra-permissive-parents (could be the same as #2) who let them do/get-away-with-"nothing/everything", and your son resents the rules your intact family lovingly enforces.

    #4. Lack of good sleep habits. I'm a much happier person with a consistent 7 uninterrupted hours a night. I'm much funnier and creative with 3 or 4 hours and catnaps during the day.

    #5. Food or environmental allergies. I'm allergic to chocolate. More than a tiny taste makes me become quite aggressive.

    #6. He's very sensitive, and someone (not necessarily you, your spouse, or a sibling) said or did or didn't do something or broke some 'promise' that he alone perceives as deeply deeply hurtful to him. He's just mad, and like an 'emotional tornado', he's going to go around and be mad and punish everyone and everything in his path until he finally works all that negative energy out.

    I hope this 'guy' perspective will at least help you open a dialogue.

  5. I completely agree with what Keli said. I would take him to see somebody. It's better safe than sorry and if there is really something major going on it is always better to take care of it now than waiting until something horrible happens.

  6. I've never commented before either, but I'd like to reiterate Keli's advice. My brother went through the same thing around the same age. My parents took him to a few sessions with a therapist, and he had a safe place to talk out what was bothering him. It didn't take long and he was a much happier person.

    Ask for a reference from your pediatrician. Good luck to all of you.

  7. I wish I had some great advice, all i can offer is hugs. Its so hard being a mom (and a kid for that matter). Hang in there!

  8. YOu know what, no matter how much shit i talk to you and the fun we poke at each other on twitter, I am not going to offer any advice or ask if you want to talk. But rather if you need someone to scream at, cry at, talk to, you have me and Tracy and you know where to find us. If you need to talk come find me, hell I dont work hard so I have time for ya. Be easy and take care

  9. Sending prayers your way.